I have another journal about my life... this is to be about me watching my weight and possibly other things. I rarely use this, but I'm trying to be better at it.
Goal right now is to get back to 175 at the minimum. I'm currently about 195 since the hurricane... yeah... added weight. I hate it and I hate myself. My goal is to be back to 175 by June 30th. Why? Because that's when I'm going to see my family again. They've seen me at my highest (225-230) and they've seen me at my lowest (160-165).... but I simply can't see them see my added 30lbs in such a short period of time. I gained it all in 5 months. That's incredibly too quick. I just can't deal with the family gossip. I can hear them in my head already, "she looked so good before she got married and the hurricane" "I can't believe she let herself go after she worked so hard to get that weight off" "atleast she's got a cute face" GOD I CAN NOT STAND two compliments: "she's got a cute face" "you're eyes are so beautiful" those are the default compliments to FAT people. I don't think I ever heard those compliments when I was 165. Anyway... I'm done. Like I said, the goal it to go from 195 to 175 (at the minimum, ulitimately I'd like to be 165 again, but I don't think I'm going to be able to push THAT hard!) between now (April 8th) and June 30th. That's 1.69 lbs a week. The plan is to eat better and exercise everyday atleast once. And on my days off to TRY and exercise twice a day. 20 pushups a day, and 10 leg lifts and 20 rotations a day. I need to strengthen up my arms and legs at the minimum. Even if I've gained all this weight, I've got to be strong enough to get on the knee-board! If I'm still super-fat for the family event, I'm not going to let it get in my way of having some fun in the sun, on the boat. Also, I will not be eating a full meal for dinners after work. I can see that I have a problem STOPPING once I've started. It's probably because I'm an emotional eater and my new job kicks my ass and I'm overstressed with it right now. eh - it's a new job.
hmm.. guess that's all. Here's a poem off another LJ:
I dont see myself as an ugly person. In fact I generally think of myself as maybe even attractive. The only problem seems to be that my body disagrees with this. There are pounds and layers of fat that coat the beauty that lies beneath. Slowly as time goes by I am working to reveal who I really am. The person that used this fat as a shield from a cruel and unforgiving world. Ready to embrace the pain of each step that I take into adult hood I take the very first step into responsibility. Complete responsibility of the thing that could be the most important to any individual...ones self.</i>
I stole that from *wishmethin*.... I couldn't help but post it. It's me.